Oh No you don't!!!!!

WEll it's spring in Texas so of course with the warm weather comes the snakes, lizards and toads.

This little story is called "a funny thing happened on the way to the hummingbird feeder"

We had this tarp that Greg had brought out for me for the last freeze, to cover my clematis and gardenia. It had been folded on top of a table up until about Thursday week before last, when Greg and I went fishing. He had caught 2 catfish, I had lost several!! Anyway, we have this scrap of silestone from my countertops, he uses to clean the fish. So he dumped the tarp on the porch floor. The next day or two, he casually mentioned we needed to get the tarp off the ground, it was a snake invitation. How true!! So a couple days later, I was headed to grab an empty feeder and I thought I really need to get that tarp off the ground so I bent over and picked it up. I got it about 2 feet off the ground and saw a snake coiled up under it. YIKES!! With my lightening quick observation skills, I knew (or was 98% sure), it was not poisonous. I grabbed a something that was there that had a long handle and proceeded to knock the tarp out into the yard. Ummm no snake... which way did he go.. which way did he go???? So I finally found the little sucker at the foot of my clematis. So I rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn around the house and grabbed the hoe and rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn back around to the back of the house. No snake. Well heck where had the little sucker gone. I looked and looked finally found him up in the corner. He was black, about an inch in diameter and three feet or there abouts. Well my "tree hugger self" sitting on one shoulder whispered in my ear, "you know, he's not poisonous, he probably was just looking for some place out of the sun, why don't you just throw him back out into the woods and let him go his merry way?" So I thought, Ok I can try that. So with my trusty hoe, I tried to pull the little sucker out of the corner. Well the idiot instead of going out towards the yard, turns around and starts back up on the porch where I'm standing. Talking about doing a little dance!!! I was dancing and yelling at him, "NO NOT THIS WAY!!!!", so he took the hint and started back into the flower bed. Heartrate back below 100 and I'm ready to proceed to step 2. He gets up in another corner and I try and get him out with my hoe. I try pulling him with the hoe part and lifting him with the handle part to no avail. He wasn't having any part of it. He goes back towards the porch and gets in the corner where the porch meets the house. I try and lift him again with the handle, no luck. While I'm watching this snake, he raises his head like he's going to go back on the porch, but he STARTS TO DISAPPEAR INSIDE MY HOUSE. He's found a hole/crack/crevice large enough for him to slip thru. NOW I'm REALLY dancing, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying to catch him with the hoe with no luck. So I reach down and grab the snake, (I know, I can't believe I did it either) and start pulling. Well he doesn't want to come out!!!! He's a strong little sucker. The siding on our house is that hardiplank siding, which is cement made to look like wood. Well heck I was afraid I was going to break the siding to get that little shit out!!! Finally, the head pops out and I sling him out in the yard. On my other shoulder is my little self that thinks the only good snake is a dead snake yelling kill the sucker, kill the sucker, so the tree hugger self gets knocked off and I hoed that little monster into postage stamps!!! How dare he try to get into my house!!! I think by the time I got in the house, my heartrate was well over 100 and my blood pressure was probably about stroke level!!! Wow what an afternoon!!!!